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Surrogacy 101: Final Reflections as a Previous Surrogate

Updated: Mar 29

Woman sitting in hospital looking lovingly at a baby in her arms
The Fruit of my Labor

I’m Meriel, one of the Journey Coordinators at Collective Surrogacy, and I am a three-time past surrogate. This is the final installment of our Surrogacy 101 series, and I wanted to conclude by looking back on my own journeys. As I reflect back on my entire experience, I am flooded with emotions. I am amazed that the dream that started out as a little seed grew into 3 beautiful souls, completing 2 families.  

Below I am going to revisit some of the questions I discussed in the first series entry that other people asked me when I was first considering being a surrogate.

Q: “Why do you want to be pregnant again?”

A: This answer stays mostly the same. I loved being pregnant. I felt amazing and watching a little human growing inside of you is such a powerful feeling. Being able to share that with someone who can’t, was such a beautiful experience.

Q: “Won’t you feel connected to the baby and find it hard to give it up?”

A: I loved each and every baby I carried, but not as a mother. I loved them in the sense that I was their trusted caregiver. I loved the little souls that were ready to join their families. I was their protector and fought with everything I had to bring them into existence and keep them safe. I want what is best for them. It was always a joyous moment to have them back where they belonged, with their parents. Plus, I got the added luxury of sleeping in!

Q: “What if it doesn’t work?”

A: Sometimes it doesn’t, and that can be painful. There was always something I took with me from every failure. I learned and I grew stronger. I was blessed to eventually be successful, but even if I never tried again, I was changed for the better by the people I met and the new perspectives I was given.

Q: “What if your kids don’t understand?”                  

4 children sitting on a bed smiling
My children with one of my belly buddies

A: I was extremely open with my children. With each journey they grew older and had more understanding. They were never sad to see the babies go home; they feel they have enough siblings. In fact, I will tell you what they think in their own words now as they look back on those experiences:

Lilly, age 18: “When I was younger, it wasn’t strange but felt like an exciting secret. Once I was older and understood why you were doing it, my perspective changed. It taught me about selflessness. Watching you deliver the baby to her parents, to see their faces when they held her - it's something I will never forget. Watching the baby being surrounded by so much love was something I was so proud of. It took work, perseverance and strength which is something I definitely would not have been able to do. I think the experience made me more compassionate and I feel lucky to have been a part of it.”

Noah, age 15: “I don’t know; it was cool I guess.”

Evie, age 11: “I mean, you were pregnant for more than half my life. You would go on a trip and come back pregnant, but that was normal for me.”

I think Evie’s comment sums it up: it was their normal and they didn’t know any different.

There’s a saying that states “it takes a village.” This is referring to raising children, but that is true of surrogacy as well. There is a team of people including the intended parents, the carrier, the agency and medical professionals all working together to reach a common goal, bringing a healthy baby to deserving parents and a loving family. I always had the best team. There were wins, losses, and extra innings, but at the end of the day, my journey as a surrogate is something I would never want to change. Now, my journey has come full circle as I get the opportunity to help other families and potential surrogates in my role as a Journey Coordinator with Collective Surrogacy. All of us at Collective Surrogacy are so honored to be even a small part of your own journey. 

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